


Tell Me I'm Worth It

by paperjam



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Photographer, Amusement Parks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Self-Doubt, Surprises, Tsukkiyama Exchange 2018, Tsukkiyama Secret Santa 2017, Writer AU, photographer!tsukki, though an abandoned one, writer!yamaguchi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 19:37:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13643079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperjam/pseuds/paperjam
Summary: The brunet found himself in front of what looked like the entrance of an amusement park. Though the massive door was open and the letters looked obsolete, vines climbing the rusty bars. No one had been here since a long time ago.Their relationship is nearing another anniversary but Kei starts to doubt suddenly. Is he worth being by Tadashi's side?





	Tell Me I'm Worth It

**Author's Note:**

  * For [yukikija](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukikija/gifts).



> This is my part 2 of my Tsukkiyama Exchange 2018 gift to [wakan-nai](https://wakan-nai.tumblr.com) on tumblr and [part 1](https://scarfence.tumblr.com/post/170409899067/you-know-what-sometimes-its-really-endearing-to) was a scene that didn't actually make it into the fic, so I drew it instead. It took me some time to get this one going but I'm pretty satisfied with what came out with the really vague prompt I got, though I betaread this by myself so stuff might sound crumbled. Enjoy!!!

"Tsukki, we have to leave in five days, there's a storm coming otherwise we'll be trapped here for a week longer and there's the plane ticket we can book for Tuesday or..." Tadashi meant to muse on when he looked up from his cup of tea across the table to the tall blond. But he seemed to be very faraway with his thoughts right now.  
  
"Tsukki!"

"Tsukki! Tsukki, are you listening?" The brunet chuckled but sighed right after that when the other was obviously not looking up.

"Kei!"

The blond startled. As if he was waking up from some beautiful dream, it was rare that Tadashi called him "Kei", his nickname from the time when they were younger kind of stuck with them even until now. Only his family, especially his brother Akiteru had to wake him sometimes when he overslept. He yawned when the waitress came with his pancakes, he ordered a while ago, adding a "Here you go, Mister. Enjoy!" A smile formed a dimple on his left cheek. He didn't like to admit it but he couldn't lie about it either and he had only one, on the other cheek there wasn't any.

"I am," he finally replied.

"Liar. You're not."

"I am."

"You're _not_."

"I am."

"You're not."

"I am."

"You're not!"

"I _am_." Kei didn't seem to give in.  
  
"You are!" So Tadashi became louder and tried a different technique.

"Am no- You got me," he resigned in an amused ton. Now he was the one sighing. "You know we don't have to always rush like that, and if we don't get away for another week? It's fine, then we have more time for us, since we came to discover this little town for only about a week anyway. C'mon." His pancake tower was steaming hot and the butter melted from the top slowly dripping to the sides. Additionally the little strawberries and blueberries made a lovely topping. Tadashi took a raspberry from the sides. They sat in a café on a small isle only a hundred metre walk away from the coast. Also it was a well visited café but to be honest they deserved to be so popular for their very fast serving staff, some might call it magic, others would say they know exactly how to work efficiently.

"I was just... listening to the sound of the waves. Even from that far away, closed windows and and all I can hear them clearly. Wild but soothing, isn't it strange?" A deep, satisfying sounding hum escaped his lips when he took his first bite.

"You're a hopeless romantic, Tsukki. Who would've guessed back then in Karasuno you would become an independant photographer, but here you are skiving off work, my dear professional." Tadashi smirked, one of his reading smirks. Kei knew them all, there was also the eyebrow game and if it wasn't for Tadashi being dramatic, god knows what for.

"It's been some time since we let ourselves go like that. I mean, it's not like its not comfortable to me when we take the time to stay somewhere for once instead of rushing from one place to the other. I can write from anywhere of course and it helps with inspiration to not be stuck at one place... To keep moving," the freckled one pondered absently. The last month especially the hot months of the year had been really stressful because these were the best months for travelling to asian countries in which the most festivals or summer traditions could be captured, also there depending on the light and angle these were really interesting months to experiment with. But the light is getting less by the turn of seasons and with the start of autumn the season of rain also starts.

Kei seemed lost in thoughts again, his eyes wandered to the coast and like that they sat there for a while. Tadashi also enjoyed the still moments in their relationship and there was nothing wrong with sitting together in silence just feeling the other's company beside one another. He looked through the pages of notes he took to see if he could add some notions to his newest work he was writing on. The sound of the shore calming him, helping relax those muscles and stirring up ideas again.

 Kei was the first to break the lull in the conversation. "When you're done with brainstorming I've got something to show you,", the blond initiates now fully there.

"Oh? And what is that?" The by one month younger man of the two interrogated not looking up while he quickly noted some other ideas, before they'd slip his mind again. In fact this time he was not informed why they visited this area, this quiet but really aesthetically pleasing town around this time of the year, he wasn't too sure what attracted his poor-sighted companion.

 "You'll see when we're there, I'm sure you'll like it," Kei hummed having a smirk on his face. Tadashi saw it on his face that he had something in mind he didn't knew of. Well, a thrill of anticipation doesn't hurt anybody, does it?

 

*

 

"So, you even bothered to rent a car. Won't you give me a hint?" It wasn't even the afternoon yet, so it should be somewhere they'd stay for longer than a few hours and a place that wasn't easily appoachable.

Kei seemed to be musing for a second. "Mhmmm... Nope. And I didn't rent this car but a friend lent it to me fortunately."

They were about to leave the developed part of the city heading towards fields and a forested ambit. It being early autumn the not harvested fields left a nostalgic feeling to the brunet. Especially the field with corn made him think of summers when he visited his grandparents at the countryside. There was a soft breeze now that they were surrounded by trees. The air around the city was pretty humid.

Kei wondered if it was gonna rain any time soon judging from that heavy cloud cover above but he sure hoped not too early, so he still got some time for a few shots before they got drained. He's prepared a pretty long time for this location especially, since it wasn't near the city nor were they able to travel by train. Also he wanted to make sure to surprise the other. He knew Tadashi pouted a bit when he wasn't informed when he was making plans for the two of them on his own but pleasant surprises really cheered him up once in a while. He had been in a writing slump recently, only occasionally having better ideas for his story to flow and he isn't sure if killing a character off or making them disappear would untie his current knot in the story, he's been worried for a while now.

 Also it's soon their anniversary and Kei is more than troubled what to prepare for their big day. They've been together since a long time now. Met with about eleven years then, became a couple in high school and now they stuck together more then ten years. It's such a long time and he wonders, wonders if he's still worth being at his side? Wondering if he's not just throwing a shadow when next to this sunshine, dragging him down somewhat.

 

*

 

"... 'Dashi! Tadashi! We're here, wake up!" Kei stood in the frame of the passenger door gently rubbing Tadashi's shoulder. The shorter muttered something not seeming to wake up any time soon. He was wearing only a thin shirt, the blond was glad he prepared before hand and brought some extra clothes for the late evening when it got colder. For now he tugged his sleepy better half under a duvet he stowed before in the car boot.

"I head first to explore this area then without you for a while. When I'm too far ahead you can call me," Kei whispered leaving a soft kiss at the jaw at a place where the freckles really collected.

 

*

 

There was a soft, warm feeling around his shoulders when Tadashi woke up from his deserved nap. He didn't get any sleep the night before due to his editor pushing him for his upcoming deadline. He looked outside the window and although the cloud cover seemed impervious before, wherever they were now had an illusive light shining from the setting sun from one side of the town. It was a beautiful yet strange scenery to look at. Tadashi certainly had a good nap when he was about to stretch his arms just to realize again he was still in the car of course. Rubbing his eyes he wanted to get out of the car when he noticed it was locked. He looked around to find the key right in his left pocket. When did he...?

He noticed a moment later that there was a blanket on him and a cardigan right in front of him he took with him when leaving the car. The air was fresh, much cooler than when they were still in town. The brunet found himself in front of what looked like the entrance of an amusement park. Though the massive door was open and the letters looked obsolete, vines climbing the rusty bars. No one had been here since a long time ago.

 As he entered the ground of the park there was a broad single path in front of him with the first attraction being a flying swing, the chains giving horrid noises, faintly squeaking. But he really didn't know what to say. He was stunned. Imagining the laughter of children in the background playing, parents trailing after them and the cheerful children's songs or soundtracks to the attractions played in the background. Noisy but familiar.

_Nostalgic._

There was a blast of air suddenly, leaves were blown up the air as he recognised the clicking sounds of a camera in the distance. He followed them to find his blond companion just on time to see the passage of birds in the sky before they disappeared again on their long journey to the south. Kei took the camera down, a mellow smile.

"So, how is it?" The taller of the two didn't hesitate to ask. The lingering sunlight illuminated this place in a sort of soft but pale pink going over in a dark purplish indigo, darkness set in. They stood in front of a Mad Hatter inspired spinning mug ride. A few mugs were filled with vines, most of them had cracks.

"It's breathtaking. I really don't know what to add. This place of decay, it's almost like a ruin" He looked up the roof of the ride for a while to wander off to the faded hero motives. "Because it is a ruin. There are chills running down my spine not only because it's windy, it's tranquil, the atmosphere here is just so..  
  
"Inspiring?" Kei suggested for Tadashi's loss of words. He took the camera of his neck and to hang it around the other one's neck, spooning the other one in an attempt to warm up a bit again, now that there wasn't a camera dangling from his neck anymore.  
It was soothing.  
  
"It is! So you planned this all out?" Tadashi glanced to the side. He enjoyed the taller one nudging his nose softly into his pretty tanned neck.

"Yes," his tone more muffled into the cardigan than really spoken, and although his voice sounded tired it was never meant to really say he didn't like to do it. It was just his way of showing his boyfriend he cared. "I'm glad."

Suddenly the hugged one felt a drop of water in his neck. Another. And another.

 "Kei?"

Although Kei didn't answer, more droplets followed soon covering the ground. And before they knew it started to pour down, heavily, catching them unguarded there, so they started to run, run back to the car, when they heard a roll of thunder.

 

*

 

"Sometimes I really wonder how you manage to plan everything out to the smallest detail, preparing in case of need of almost _anything._ " The two of them sat in the back of the car now, the backseats leaned forward giving them some space in the back, all their clothes wet leaving them to sit in boxers and in front of a portable heater. There was a little space between them, everyone wrapped in his own blanket.

Kei didn't respond as he watched the warm glowing heater in front of them. Two slender, tall figures seeking maybe for the other one's warmth but keeping their distance for whatever reason. It was uncomfortable. And Tadashi was pretty sure the first droplets he felt on his neck were hot, and he felt Kei shaking a bit when he hugged him. The sound of the heater buzzing quietly and the heavy rain on the car roof being the only sounds.

"Hey," Tadashi began after a while, "what's up, buttercup?" It wasn't the time to joke around but he at least tried to lift up the mood a bit. He reached out of his cover to tug at the other one's. Kei teared up when he heard the pet name, it reminded him of the early days of their relationship. Now it was clear to Tadashi his lover had something on his mind. But more importantly Kei was hurting.

"Can I... come closer to you?" The concerned freckled young man initiated after a while. Kei hesitated now but slowly nodded after a while. "I don't mind." So the brunet lifted his blanket and Kei's too, so they leaned into each other. Tanned bare skin meeting fair skin, partly still cold on both sides. Kei's tears ran down slowly and quietly, he didn't make any sound making Tadashi only more anxious.

"If you don't talk I don't know what's on your mind, please," he whispered. Their faces were only centimeters away from each other and still he could feel the uneasy distance. "I'm here for you." Gently Tadashi wiped a tear from Kei's face away to only make way for even bigger tears running warmly down his cheek after he also took the glasses off, he started sobbing. "Kei, please."

He breathed in and out for a while catching his breath while the other rubbed consoling circles on his back resting his head a bit on his shoulder. He knew his voice would come out cracking a bit but he worried his loved one long enough.

"I really love you. And I- I hope you do love me too," Kei begins. It caught Tadashi offguard to hear these words first thing when he seemed so broken making his face heat up a bit, though with the orangey type of light not noticeable anyway. "I love you too, Kei."

"And you know? Look, it's our seventh anniversary soon if not twelveth anniversary when we don't only count the time when we started out at our relationship but when we count up from the day we met and our friendship developed. And I've been wondering a while now." A pair of golden eyes meeting comforting warmish brown eyes.

"Wondering about what?" Tadashi's eyes began to glaze over too.

"Wondering about you, about us. About... me." His voice was shaking for a bit again. Trying to unclench his trembling fist slightly reaching for the other's hand. Seeking for assurance, fingers intertwining softly, but then surely. Giving him strength to go on and talk about whatever was bothering him.

"You... You've been by myside for so long. And I now wonder if... if I deserve, no... if I'm worth it. Worth being the one taking this place by your side."

"Wait, how... How could you not?" Tadashi was confused by these words. He knew their feelings were mutual. He trusted him and he knew he was trusted too.

"I always wondered but actually never spoke it out loud if I wasn't pulling you down. It's funny how we developed and stuck together all this time. You were like the light when I was surrounded by darkness. But still I don't know anymore. Don't you deserve someone better than me? Someone cheerful, someone who laughs often, someone sweeter, you could be with-" And then he felt a pinch on his side before Kei could go on, Tadashi was in tears now too.

"Don't. Just don't say that. I wouldn't trade you for the world. Kei, you... You don't have to be cheerful all the time, I like your precious laugh and smirk and I cherish," his voice broke for bit, "I cherish every one od them, when they're there. Also god, you _are_ sweet. Show me someone who covers my body every time in constellations after I had a rough day, so I wake up in wonder the next. You don't have to ask yourself if you are worth being with me, I love you more than anything else. You're such a dork." Even though he was feeling like sobbing again he also couldn't refrain from laughing either.

"You're a _huge_ dork. But you're _my_ dork." He shifted his face and was now looking in this intense shade of gold shimmering eyes in this exact light. Only now a few millimetres, a breath and then soft lips met. Slow, soft, meaningful and caring. And Kei let it happen till he leant into the kiss, pulling the other closer into his lap, savouring the intimacy.

Kei sighed into their soft kisses. "I really needed to hear this." Tadashi pouted, Kei's favourite pout. "Dude, you made me worried, don't you dare doubt your place ever again! Also what would you do if you hadn't got me to warm up your hands? Damn you, they're freeezing!" The freckled boy snorted just before his grin grew wider. The blond embarrassed now took his hands off him immediately just to be stopped again. "But I'll be damned if you're not the one with me." He leant in for another kiss, a smile on his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's my Tumblr: [papierstau](https://papierstau.tumblr.com) / [scarfence](https://scarfence.tumblr.com)


End file.
